Honey, the ice is melting!

I heard Al Gore on the radio today. He's such a scaremonger! He says already 40 percent of the Arctic has melted due to global warming.

Heck, why is he so anxious? We've got 60 percent of the ice left!

Let's keep driving our SUVs that could tow large boats (because who knows when we will actually have to tow a large boat).

I think when there is 10 percent of the Arctic left, then we should worry. And that's only because I don't like the idea of penguins moving south. These birds have not yet learned to fly, and could cause havoc when they start moving into American cities.

Imagine them crossing the road! Jeez, I'm not going to wait at a cross walk for the time it takes for a penguin to waddle across the road. Heck, no!